Thursday, 8 April 2010

Scrounging Councillor Martin Brookes

Loony councillor Martin Brookes is a persistant nuisance beggar in Oakham. You can see him most days walking up and down Oakham High Street telling anybody who will listen how poor he is. He is well known in all the shops and offices, trying to cadge freebies on the grounds that he is a town councillor.

If he stops you and asks you for 10p for a cup of tea, you best give it him or else he will do this to you:

Brookes is definitely very kinky: It's a known fact that he will go for anything in a cassock, unless, of course, it's a lady vicar! Brookes campaigned long and hard (no pun intended) to stop the Church of England getting women priests because he didn't think they could give him his usual service.

Although Martin is constantly harping on about the hardships of being long-term unemployed, don't believe him. He has no intention of getting a job while there are people gullible enough to give him anything he asks for. Furthermore, it is widely rumoured that Martin earns money on the side doing favours for elderly gentlemen he befriends, even if they're not a clergyman! And there's no telling what he isn't prepared to do in return for a whole pot of free tea and a cake at somewhere like Stapleford Hall.

As well as free afternoon tea, Brookes just loves being taken out on his birthday at other people's expence. Brookes was so pleased with the free £19 champagne on his recent birthday, he just had to tell the whole world about it.

And don't ever tell Brookes that you are going on holiday because he will ask you if he can go with you.